One of my goals in writing Beyond the Battle: A man’s guide to his identity in Christ in an oversexualized world is to help men lose their desire for porn. To be able to go from, “I really want porn, though I know it’s bad, so will train myself not to look at it… though I still really want it!” to, “I don’t have a desire for porn.” I believe this is ultimate freedom.
So sometimes people get confused when I stress Covenant Eyes and accountability so much. “I don’t want those surface level solutions,” someone will say to me, “I want to deal with the root.” And yes, I agree, we need to deal with the root. But when did someone make the rule that we have to choose between the root and the external? Never. No one ever made that rule.
The problem is when a guy (or girl) only wants to deal with the root and refuses to deal with the external behaviors. So many forget that pornography is an addiction. If you preach a root-level sermon to a heroin addict, they can make a heart-felt decision to never use heroin again. But their mind and body are hard-wired, similar to a robot, to find and use heroin. I’m not an expert on getting clean from heroin, but I know it involves a combination of heart change & forced physical restraint away from the substance and its sources. When guys are unwilling to use internet accountability software (Covenant Eyes) because they say they only want to work on the root, they are neglecting the robotic nature of addiction. If you are currently addicted to porn or have been addicted in your past, it only takes one trigger and the robot kicks in–seeking and finding pornography despite your conscience, despite the great book you just read, despite the commitment you just made at church, or to your wife. Robot mode is on and the only thing that is going to stop it is the absence of access to porn. In fact, if the robot knows there’s no porn around to be found, it’s likely not even going to bother powering up.
By all means, work on the root. Read Beyond the Battle, join a group, have accountability, have tons of healthy community and healthy habits. But if you are actively seeking out porn at all, you must lock down all access points. Head to www.CovenantEyes.com and use promo code BEYOND to get your first 30 days free. Covenant Eyes will monitor everything on your Mac or PC computer screen and everything on your Android devices. It will monitor your internet browsing on your iPhone and iPad. With Apple iOS, it’s up to you to disable apps that have access to porn and if needed, run your Youtube and social media usage through the Covenant Eyes internet browser instead of the apps (have someone else set up your Screen Time passcode to disable these). For full use of those apps with screen accountability, switch to an Android phone (like I did). Covenant Eyes will detect porn and nudity that’s on your screen and send those images (blurred out) to your email accountability partners. Put accountability partners on your account that have authority in your life like your spouse, your parents, ministry supervisor or boss. And/or go with people you are in regular proximity with like a roommate or pastor.
These actions will stop the robot! Once the robot has been stopped long enough, it will cease turning on all together. This will get your head clear of pornography long enough that your heart and mind will have space to deal with the root issues. But as long as you keep falling back into porn, you’ll never be able to fix the root. The root and the behavior aren’t in competition together, they both need to be dealt with at the same time! The men I’ve talked to who refuse to use Covenant Eyes because “they want to deal with the root,” but continue to fall into porn, are either prideful or foolish or both. Or they’ve accepted that porn usage will always be a part of their life and/or don’t care enough to actually do something about it.
Don’t believe those lies. Porn addictions can be broken! Freedom can be found! Deep, lasting freedom can be found. Losing the desire for porn can be achieved. But the only way to get there is to first cut out every access point possible.
Use promo code BEYOND for a free month of Covenant Eyes. Download at www.covenanteyes.com.
Join a 7-week small group with me through Beyond the Battle at www.beyondthebattle.net.
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He is:
Author of Beyond the Battle: A man's guide to his identity in Christ in an oversexualized world
Host of the The Flip Side Podcast
Join an online men's small group led by Noah and team at BeyondTheBattle.net
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