What you have to love and appreciate about Wesley and his writing is that he is dealing with real issues for real people. I find it is so easy for heterosexual married pastors to come up with cookie cutter sermons and treatises on what the Bible says on homosexuality that are just preaching to the choir. They are really only intended to help biblically conservative, heterosexual Christians feel good about their biblical position on a sin that they don’t struggle with at all. These teachings have little-to-no intention of actually helping gay / same-sex attracted Christians who are held in a daily chokehold by their same-sex attraction, something they have little-to-no control over. These church leaders give them very little in the way of options or action steps, which is why so many end up turning away from the Church and pursuing gay sexual relationships and/or keep things bottled up inside with no one to help them as they struggle down paths of deep depression and suicide.
I was hooked on porn as a Bible college student.
I fell back into it in the first years of my marriage.
I wanted to flee marriage and pursue a life of promiscuity.
As I clung to God through failure, his grace carried me through. He took me into paths of freedom. I had a story to share and I began sharing it…
…But here’s the thing: no matter how much freedom you experience in your sexual purity, Satan will never stop attacking you with temptation. When one type of temptation doesn’t work anymore, he just morphs and shifts to another. With the greatest temptation of all being that you no longer need to share your temptations and struggles with others.
BIG NEWS: I signed a contract with Zondervan to publish a new, updated book for men on how our identity in Christ brings us freedom from the pressure of the oversexualized world that we all live in.
The book will be available in July 2021. Book pre-sale will begin in November 2020.
Thank you to so many of you who have supported my writing efforts over the years, I am deeply grateful. If you’d like to receive an email on key points in the publishing process that you can support and/or help spread the news, please sign up below and be sure to click the checkbox at the bottom.
When I got married on June 19, 2004, I thought my sexual purity problems were in the rearview mirror for good.
I had been porn-free for over two years, was leading sexual purity small groups, and had regular accountability. I was also reading Christian sexual purity books that told me if I starved my eyes from lustful looks and images, there would be a “sexual payoff” in my marriage. My wife and I were both virgins when we got married, and I was ready for this payoff.
We live in a culture that believes pleasure is the primary, and often times only, purpose for sex. Chapters 4 and 5 of Mere Sexuality: Rediscovering the Christian Vision of Sexuality by Todd A. Wilson say that the Bible teaches otherwise. You might roll your eyes at “the Bible” teaching you about what you should or shouldn’t do sexually. Before you make this judgment, pause and ask if our culture’s “do what pleases you” mindset for sex has created fruitful outcomes for individuals, children, and culture at large or not.
“My dad told me it’s okay to look, as long as you don’t touch,” a large, well-past-puberty 8th grader once told me with a smile.
This boy’s father passed on to him the idea that objectification doesn’t hurt anyone. This is a lie. It’s a lie the father had bought into and has now passed on to his son. It’s a lie from culture that many of us have bought into as well.
One could argue that it’s better to look and not touch than it is to give unwanted touches, which is obviously true. This is probably what this father was trying to teach his son. But the fact that unwanted touches bring great harm does not mean that “looking without touching” is a victimless crime, as this dad had led his son to believe.