One of Satan’s biggest temptations for married people is to want to be single. I’ve found that one of his biggest temptations for single people is to want to be married. This was the case for me when I was single and is the case for most of my single friends. Yet in spite of this, many married people have moments (some more frequently than others) where they wish they were single again. I blog a lot about the temptations I face as a married person and what married people need to focus on to be content. Today I decided to write a post for single people.
These 8 things honestly have nothing to do with sex. They all fall within God’s design for sex, marriage, and singleness. Don’t forget after all that Jesus and Paul were both single, and it’s something that Paul says, “It is good for a man not to marry…I wish that all men were as I am (single).” (1 Cor. 7:1, 7) God didn’t intend singleness to be miserable. There are jewels to being a Christian single that we often overlook because we are so busy wishing we were married, we miss what is right under our nose.
8 Hidden Benefits to Reflect On In Order To Be More Content In Your Singleness:
- You are freer to do more ministry (1 Cor. 7:32-34)
- You can do what you want to do with your time, when you want to do it. If you feel like going on a vacation, you don’t need to consult permission from anyone or argue about where to go, you can just call some friends up and get going.
- You don’t need to consult your spouse when making financial purchases.
- You can be as generous as you want with your money.
- If you want to be neat and tidy, you can be without a sloppy spouse making messes all around the house. If you want to be messy, you can be without a neat and tidy spouse always getting on you about cleaning up after yourself.
- If you want to get a dog or cat, go for it.
- If you want to work late, you can.
- You can enjoy a deeper community of friends, without the need to specifically invest in a spouse and children.
You get the idea. These may seem like small things to you. They are likely things you simply take for granted, as I did when I was single. But ask a married person and they will likely agree that these are things they at times wish they could still have. Which is the entire point.
We need to learn to stop wishing for the things we don’t have and enjoy the things we do. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time and a season for everything. 1 Timothy 6 tells us that godliness with contentment is great gain. Satan steals our joy and our life from us by getting us discontent with our present circumstances.
The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greenest where you water it, even for singles.
Related posts:
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Ep.48: Interview with Sam and Tova Jones on Marriage and Singleness
Full Results from Survey of 504 Christian Singles' Experience in Church, Including Comments
Episode 10: Interview with Damon Seacott on choosing a life of singleness and celibacy
Sermon on Lust, Singleness, Homosexuality, Porn & Marriage
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Was looking for some takes regarding this topic and I found your article quite informative. It has given me a fresh perspective on the topic tackled. Thanks!
Check my book The Two Sides of Being Single: A Biblical Perspective is a book that is dedicated to single Christians who are either desiring to maintain a single Christian life or who are seeking God to bless them with a husband or a wife.
As a single guy, it’s not a “temptation” for me to want to be married. It’s just a genuine desire I have. Nothing wrong with that.
(And yes, lots of these sorts of benefits seem rather minor to me)
Sure, Jesus was single. That doesn’t make me want to be single. Besides, we never read anything in the Bible about whether He ever wanted to experience romance or marriage. I doubt He did. And Jesus Himself said that not everyone was able to accept singleness.
Sure, Paul was single. He also said that singleness was better, but he also said this was just a personal opinion. Like Jesus, he also said that some people were unable to deal with singleness and should marry instead.
If I ever do marry, yes, I’m sure I’ll have “moments” where I’ll look back fondly on the single years. But, in a healthy and loving marriage, I’m not going to be doing this every second, am I?
Sure, I’d rather be unhappily single than unhappily married (very romantic, haha) Is marriage hard? Yes. Would I prefer marriage to singleness? Also yes.
And if singleness gives you more freedom to “do ministry,” why are all the pastors married?
Coming back to your first point: A lot of the time, when you’re single, people tell you to “take advantage” of it because you can apparently “serve more.”
I think lot of this comes from a certain take on what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Paul basically says that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single.
I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you AREN’T distracted by the desire for marriage, then maybe you have the gift of singleness.
Hi James, thank you for your comments. I don’t think all singles have the calling to singleness that Jesus and Paul talk about, I agree with you there. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be married.
My challenge / encouragement for someone in your situation is that while you are single, to take advantage of the unique benefits of being single, even though they don’t all feel like benefits. I’m not saying you’re doing this, but don’t be a single who can’t be happy or at peace because they aren’t married, and don’t squander the extra time you have with isolating behaviors like copious amounts video games, YouTube, or Netflix, as well as porn of any amount. Say, “While I’m single, I’m going to invest in community (which is ministry) and in extra opportunities to serve and minister to others. There will be some who are single and want to marry who never will. I’m not making any arguments about God’s sovereignty etc here, just saying if those are the cards you are holding, make the most of them instead of “burying the talent” so to speak like the one does in the parable of the talents.
It’s also an interesting item to consider that in the Catholic Church, what you mentioned is the very reason their clergy (priests, nuns, monks, etc) don’t marry. While there are clearly downsides to that and it’s not my interpretation of Scripture for clergy, it’s still a huge section of Christendom. There are also some rules for this within some Orthodox and Anglican groups.
I hope this helps.